One memory I have, is turning up to my dads house, and him, knowing how much I loved Helana and I'm Not Okay, had bought Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge. I ran through the house, promptly claiming the CD as my own, and played it on repeat all night long (while playing Sims).
As the years passed, this CD became my life, I cannot count how many times I have heard the CD, on average it worked out to 4 or 5 times a day, everyday, for 4 years. I soon caught up with Bullets, loving the CD just as much, Cubicles being my favourite track, but Three Cheers spoke to me.
When I was younger, I drew, I drew so much that I would never leave my room. My weekends consisted of Three Cheers, a sketch pad and a pencil. Even now, I have so many fond memories of all the hours I spent doing such things, that I do the same thing now. Dark room, small space, not caring about the rest of the world for a few hours, and absorbing myself in the story that flowed from their music. The world that was created in my head, it was like home, the first place I could call home in years.
During the release day of The Black Parade, I remember running home after school with her, and begging my mother to take us to the Warehouse. At the time, I worked 15 hours a week (with plants, so I got FILTHY), for around $30, that was a whole weeks pay, but so worth it. This CD saw the same fate as the ones before it, played way too many times. It was a time for me to wake up, and stop living in the slump I had been in.
Two days after my 15th birthday I moved out of my mothers. Still with no hope in life, no love for myself, I held on. I held on to the dream of one day seeing them live. The B-Side of Famous Last Words single, "Kill All Your Friends" they lyrics repeat, "do what it takes to survive 'cuz I'm still here", I may not have taken it in the way it was meant to be taken, but I took it in the sense that, as long as the boys were around, I had to keep going, that I have to see them live.
Then, for my 16th birthday, I FINALLY got Life On The Murder Scene from my best friend, I was so happy I had to cry, I never could have afforded it.
When I was 16, I applied for university and a $26K scholarship. I got them both. Panicked and scared, I started university when I was 17.
Although I had to take a leave of absence at the end of the year, I managed to get back on my feet. One thing I had forgotten once university came into play with my life, was the dreams I had as a young teenager. I got back up, and kept fighting, I fought my way back into uni last year, and now have my Diploma of Japanese Studies.
Sunday is my 20th birthday. 8 years since I discovered My Chemical Romance, 5 years since I moved out of home, 3 since I feel on my knees, 2 since I got back up, and 1 since I found myself again. Tomorrow, Big Day Out. They are doing a one hour set, 5.30pm-6.30pm, the trip has cost me over $200 so far, but I feel I owe it to the child I was, the child that didn't give up and pulled through. The child that has grown to be a fearless adult, still fighting for that future, but knowing that I can do it. I have down days, days I can't get out of bed, and as stupid as it is, there is this:
This guy's walkin' down a street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, "Hey you! Can you help me out?" The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole, and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, "Father, I'm down in this hole; can you help me out?" The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. "Hey, Joe, it's me. Can ya help me out?" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, "Are ya stupid? Now we're both down here." The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out."From West Wing. The story shows how people from above, are unable to help without being where you are kind of thing. It's hard for me to explain, I'm useless at words, but I'm sure you get it. The way I view the albums, is a progression, a progression showing the boys gaining their strength, so when I go back, from the start of Bullets, to the last track in Danger Days, it's like a ladder, pulling me out of that hole. Even if it just gets me out of bed to have a shower, I'm moving forward more, each time I can get myself out of bed.
I'll get there, it will just take time. However, I feel as if I have relied on these boys far too long, it's time to get myself out of bed each morning.
Oh oh oh, I'm too excited to sleep, but so tired, I'm like a child on Christmas eve!!!
Here is my Lithium Laced Lollipop outfit~~
Obviously can't wear everything tomorrow D:I probably explained this all so terribly, but I'm off to bed~ Must be up in 7 hours hurr hurr
